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How to Support Your Friend as She Ends Her Marriage

Updated: Jun 17, 2020

Earlier this week, we heard from Rachel Hollis [our girl, Rach, for those of us that follow her] that her marriage has ended.

And I’m shocked, dismayed, outraged... at the responses her announcement has garnered.

An overwhelming majority of women have gone public with their super judgy, negative opinion. That, combined with the way women, yes, women, are openly supporting, borderline coddling her business partner and soon to be ex, Dave, had me at a loss of words. Fortunately, I quickly snapped out of it. And this is my message…

Ladies, WTF?! We are Rachel’s community, her fans, her supporters – we’ve read HER books, participated in HER coaching, attended HER events, listened to HER podcasts, written in HER journal daily (ok, almost daily). And while we do not know Rach personally, and we certainly do not know what transpired, we are HER people. She has helped us grow, reflect, laugh, and pull ourselves together - as moms, entrepreneurs, humans, and (gasp!) wives.

And guess what? Not one bit of that has changed since her announcement. Her gift of writing, her God given talent to speak on a stage and command a stadium, her creative spirit, these are still her talents.

Her worth isn't defined by a title or a role. She is worthy as she is; as are you.

So ladies, let’s stop throwing stones, making assumptions, criticizing her [or any woman, for that matter] for how she is handling her marriage, her family.

To share some insight on how to support a girlfriend during an impossible time, I asked a dear friend to share a few things her circle did that helped her as she ended her decade plus marriage.

Here is what she said…

1. Be Consistent. Divorce is a long process and it’s hard, lonely. Different days, different reasons. Having a friend that is consistent is so important. Checking in, sending invitations for dinner, sending flowers/cards on the hard days, there for the long-haul.

2. Be Available. To get into the mess. The emotional stuff. Creating a new home or transforming the marital home into a new space. It’s overwhelming to not have a partner anymore. Having friends to help step into the next phase, to move forward, to build a new life, a new home is incredibly reassuring.

3. Listen, and Then Lovingly Redirect. It can be easy to fall into a rut of feelings. Grief, betrayal, blame, anger, failure… the list goes on. Having a friend that is willing to listen and support but then challenge you to get back up and keep moving forward. To challenge you to stop looking back, stop feeling sorry for yourself. To ask… what do you want your life to look like? And what is important to you and your kids? A friend to lovingly redirect your energy to move forward.

The good news… your friend will become a stronger, better version of herself. I’ve witnessed it, in real time, and I'm so freaking proud of her.

So ladies, let’s respect Rachel’s wish for “a human moment.” And if not her, give that same grace to the next woman in your life that faces an impossible decision. We’ll be better friends, better humans, for having done so.

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